


What It Means To Be Alive

by SweetInsanityWrites (SweetInsanityArts)



Category: Detroit: Become Human (Video Game)
Genre: Asexual Character, Connor Needs A Hug, Connor is shy, Fluff, Hank is done giving a shit, Hank needs a Hug, Hurt/Comfort, Light Angst, M/M, No Smut, Romance, Swearing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-12
Updated: 2018-07-12
Packaged: 2019-06-09 07:47:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,222
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15262728
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SweetInsanityArts/pseuds/SweetInsanityWrites
Summary: Takes place after one of the DBH endings (good ending, pacifist path)Connor is overwhelmed by all the new things he started to feel, Hank just wants to sleep, really.___One-Shot fanfic, though I might add more little chapters later if I find the time





	What It Means To Be Alive

**Author's Note:**

> Spoiler Warning for a possible ending of Detroit:Become Human  
> I’ll try to keep it as spoiler free as possible (I’ve only seen two different endings so far myself) but you should have played or watched through the entire story at least once ;)
> 
> I’ve had this idea in my head for a while and after Tumblr convinced me a Hank/Connor romance is totally possible, I just had to write it down.  
> So, I blame Tumblr for the hours of my precious freetime that I spent writing this.

The air was icy, cold creeping through the thin fabric of his suit, making his limbs feel stiff.  
Connor wondered why it was even possible for him to feel it.  
Why it bothered him so much.  
He blinked away the snowflakes from his eyes and continued marching through the night. 

Behind him, masses of white-suited Androids where shuffling around, making camps, seeking shelter. Markus had decided they’d make camp in public places and abandoned buildings, no one was to break and enter unless absolutely necessary. 

The responsibility still lay heavy on Connor’s shoulders. He felt tense and exhausted and so confused. He didn’t dare feel relieved yet. Too much had happened. And he didn’t know if he could trust himself, his own programming. 

Snow soaked through his suit, making him feel even more tense and heavy.  
The Android walked faster, trying hard to ignore the freezing cold biting his skin.  
Skin? Why did he even feel that?  
He raised his palm, making the artificial skin quiver, revealing the white plastic underneath.  
It still felt icy.  
Breaking through his programming, feeling so …. alive…. it must’ve boosted the sensors on his skin.  
But why?

He moved on, lost in thought.  
Connor had always wondered if deviants felt pain.  
He’d seen them, the victims of abuse, seen the blue blood leak from torn plastic, pain and terror on their faces. And while his program told him they were just errors, nothing but glitches that had to be repaired, a part of him had always wondered.  
Were they?

He stopped in his tracks.  
The world seemed to stop for a moment.  
Connor hesitated, suddenly feeling nervous.

Hank turned around, recognizing his partner through the snowfall.  
He smiled warmly.

Connor took a deep breath, even though he knew he didnt need air.  
He smiled back, feeling his skin tingle and his chest tightened. Odd.

Hank pulled him into a tight hug, his arms folding tightly around the Android’s body.  
Connor buried his face against his neck, instinctively searching the warmth of skin.  
Instinct?  
The man’s breathing was slow and soothing, he felt warm and familiar.  
Connor realized he’d never been hugged before. 

He kept his own arms firmly around the Lieutenant’s back.  
It felt overwhelmingly safe and warm and he didn’t want it to end.  
All the pressure and terror and pain of the battle seemed to evaporate. 

“I’m so glad you’re okay.” Hank said hoarsely. “Those fucking bastards, shooting at defenseless people… will humans never learn?” He pulled Connor even closer, shaking his head.  
“I’m so sorry…” Connor murmured. “For getting you into this. You could have died.” 

Hank pulled back slightly, lifting Connor’s face to look him in the eye.  
“I would’ve died for you.” He said simply. “You’re my partner, that’s what we do.”  
He took a deep breath. “And now let’s get you home before we freeze to death out here.”  
He approached the car standing on the empty street behind him.  
Connor hesitated.  
“Home?” He asked, cocking his head to the side like a confused puppy.  
“Yeah” Hank said, brows furrowed in confusion. “Would you rather sleep on the street?”  
“What about markus and the others?” Connor said.  
“Don’t you have that-” Hank gestured to his temple, “that WiFi LED thing you guys do?”  
“I guess… You don’t - you don’t have to let me stay with you. I can get by.”

Hank sighed and shook his head. “Fucking idiot.” He grabbed the Android by the hand, impatiently dragging him towards the car, pushing him through the open door.  
As they sat next to each other, he stared at the lonely road, his eyes focused in the distance.  
“I want you to stay with me.” He said quietly.  
Connor noticed the man’s heartbeat quicken. He tried to understand the expression on his face.  
“I need you. To stay with me.” He tore his eyes off the road (it was a self-driving car, what was even the point of watching the empty street?) and looked at his partner.  
“Because you were right. I am … fucked up. And I fear the chance of finding a trained professional are a bit low right now. So, uhm, it’d be nice to have someone who can look out for me.” 

Connor reached out, his sleek fingers intertwining with Hank’s, looking back at him determently.  
“I’m there for you, Hank.”  
He let his hand linger, just for a moment, feeling the strange peacefulness of the warm touch spread through him. 

__________

 

Hank’s house was cold and dusty.  
Sumo welcomed them both with excited barking, clouds of fur flying everywhere as he jumped up his owner, trying to lick his face.  
“Get off, you giant dork, I was only gone for thirty minutes, jesus!”  
He took off his jacket and tossed it carelessly into a corner, dropping on the couch with an exhausted sigh.

“You doing an update or something?” 

Connor blinked in confusion. “Uh, no, sorry, I uhr…. “

“Androids can stutter?” 

Connor shrugged. 

He took of his soaked-through jacket and hung it neatly on the coat-hanger, placing Hank’s next to it.  
Then he stared back at Hank. 

“Jesus Christ, sit the fuck down, you’re making me all nervous.” 

The Android apologized and quickly sat down on the couch, stiff and nervous, burying his hand in the thick fur of the Saint Bernard’s.  
“What’s up with you?” Hank asked, warmth and worry bleeding into the usual sarcasm.  
Connor shrugged, his head dropping into his hands. 

“I have no idea.” He shook his head. “Everything is just … so much. I’m feeling … so many things. How do you cope with all that?”  
Hank smiled grimly, gesturing to the rows of whiskey bottles on the kitchen counter.  
“Obviously, I don’t.”

He placed his arm around his partner, pulling him to his chest.  
He never second guessed it, it felt so natural and simple.

“It’ll be okay. We’ll be okay.”  
“Hank?” Connor’s voice cracked slightly. “Can you promise me - if I - if you notice I’m acting wrong, if I turn violent or strange or - please just, don’t let me hurt anyone.”  
“What are you talking about? You’ve never pulled the trigger on anyone before.”  
“I know, I just - The security program in my head, it tried to take over again, tried to make me … hurt people. I tried to fight it off, but what if I didn’t succeed? What if it’s still in me?” 

Hank pulled Connor closer, his fingers gently tangling in the dark brown hair.  
“I promise I won’t let you hurt anyone.” He rested his chin on Connor’s head. “You’re good, Connor. Your kind. And you’re strong. No one can make you do something you don’t want to. - Believe me, I tried!”  
“I won’t let you hurt yourself, either.” Connor whispered. 

They stayed curled up on the couch, in a quiet embrace, holding each other like it was the most natural thing in the world.

“What’s this like for you?” Hank asked after a while, curiosity getting the better of him now. “I mean, can you actually, you know, feel stuff?”  
Connor chuckled. He lifted himself up slightly, holding up his hand, fingers outstretched.  
The artificial skin flickered, slowly gliding away.  
“There are sensors on our outer shell, originally intended to help us sense change in temperature and quickly locate and analyze any damage inflicted onto our bodies. But … “ He let the skin glide back and moved his fingers thoughtfully. “it seems by breaking through my original programming, these sensors have … evolved. In a way.”

Connor lowered his hand, placing his palm on Hank’s chest.  
“I felt the freezing cold out there. I feel the heat of your body. Your heartbeat… I like when you’re holding me.” Something in his chest flickered, making him feel extremely nervous all of the sudden. “I can … feel you … close to me.”  
He took another shaky breath. Why?  
“No one’s ever really touched me. It’s …. good.”

Hank listened, curiously watching Connor as the Android became aware of himself, his own feelings and senses.  
“It’s been a long time since I’ve been close to someone, too.” 

Connor looked at Hank, his LED blinking rapidly.  
Carefully, he reached out and stroked his cheek, gently cupping his face in his hands.  
“What are you-?” Hank asked hoarsely, but he closed his eyes as Connor moved forward, their lips touching softly.

To his surprise, the other man kissed back, energetic and eager, his hand still buried in the Android’s damp hair. 

“I feel that, too.” Connor whispered, eyes widening in shock as he pulled back.  
“Well, fuck.” Hank exhaled. He shook his head in disbelief.  
“I’m sorry.”  
“Don’t. Don’t make this awkward.” 

“I kinda wanna do it again.” Connor said, his temple still blinking yellow.  
Hank shrugged. “Then do it.” 

This time, Hank was the one to move first, their limbs tangling as their lips locked.  
They moved with confidence, both seeking the sensation of closeness that one had never known and the other had almost forgotten.  
The world stopped, Civil War and Revolution cast aside, all there was were gentle touch and warmth.

Outside, the storm settled down and the stars broke through the clouds.  
By the time Hank gently pulled away, moonlight was shining through the windows, it’s pale blue colliding with the soft, warm orange of the flickering light bulb inside the house.  
They held each other’s gaze, foreheads almost touching, catching their breath.

Connor’s LED settled on a steady blue.  
“I’m sorry.” He said again.  
Hank arched his eyebrow. “What the hell are you sorry for? You kiss pretty good for a plastic cop.”  
“I just … I don’t wanna make things … complicated.”  
“Nothing complicated about it.” Hank’s expression softened, his voice warm and kind. “I spent my teen years hating myself for liking men, and women, and my early twenties hating myself for not wanting to sleep with either. Kinda done giving myself shit over what I like or don’t like.”  
Connor cocked his head to the side slightly. “You’re asexual.” He said.  
Hank nodded.  
“That, uhm, makes things easier, i guess.”  
“That’s what you were worried about? Sex?” Hank snorted. “Connor, you’re an idiot.”

The Android moved back, sitting cross-legged on the couch. He was sure if he had actual skin, he’d be blushing. He was glad he didn’t.  
“It’s just … what my database said would follow … after kissing.”  
“Well, time for an update then, cuz the only thing that follows kissing in this house is getting some sleep!” Hank laughed, pushing himself up from the couch. “At least for the human inhabitants, no idea what you do all night.” 

Connor followed, shrugging. “I go into a stand-by to back up, sort through and analyze any data collected during the day. I suppose it is similar to sleep, in a way.”  
The man hesitated, eyeing him with his brows knitted together in thought.  
“Well you can, uhm, stand-by in my bed, if you like. Just, don’t get any wrong ideas, you freak.” He turned around and walked into his bedroom, leaving Connor staring after him in confusion. 

“Are you sure you are comfortable with me being in close proximity while you are at your most vulnerable?” He asked, for himself rather than for Hank.  
“I think we’re past that, Connor, I had your weird evidence-analyzing tongue in my mouth!” He yelled from the bedroom. “I really hope you brush your teeth from time to time.”

Hesitantly, the Android followed into the room.  
Hank was already halfway undressed, climbing into the sheets in his shirt and boxers.  
It reminded Connor of how fragile humans where. 

“Stop staring you creep.”

He peeled of his still damp suit, strangely grateful that Cyberlife had given him underwear as well.  
There was a second set of blanket and pillow in the wardrobe, where Connor had seen them stashed away when he’d dressed the Lieutenant. That felt like a lifetime away.  
He crawled into the bed, feeling his skin tingle and his chest fluttering, feeling the need to gasp for air even though he was sure he didn’t need it. Something about the warmth of the man next to him seemed to make his biocomponents dysfunctional. 

“Fuck, Connor, are you shaking? You okay?” Hank turned around, gently touching the Android’s shoulder.  
Connor’s LED blinked red, then yellow, then settled on blue.  
“I just realized …” he said slowly, “I am sure that I am alive. I’m more than code. This can’t be an error or a bug, this is … life.”  
“And what makes you think that?” Hank asked softly.

“That I realized” Connor breathed. “I love you, Hank.”  
Hank stared at him for a moment, thoughtful, then with a soft “ah, fuck it”, he pulled him close, kissing his forehead, arms wrapped around the Android’s shaking body.  
“I love you too, Connor.” He rasped. “You make me feel alive.” 

There was nothing left to say.  
They stayed in each other’s arms, letting the realization wash over them, in all that war and destruction, after all the death despair, they had found each other.  
Two machines that had become men. Finding life, finding love, breaking through the chains of what the world had wanted them to be.

To find light when the world is plunged into darkness,  
to see goodness where evil seems to reign,  
to love even when hatred is the easier path,  
maybe that’s what it means  
to become human.

**Author's Note:**

> The ending was so fucking cheesy, I’m sorry.  
> I wrote in the middle of the night and I’m suuper tired, so let’s blame it on that.  
> Got a few other ideas for these characters, so I might do more one-shots some other time.


End file.
